What Happens When Cows Go Extinct, EcoGeeks and Models Stalk The Earth

The world as we know it is ending, one minute at a time. Closer and closer we edge to exhausting natural resources. There's no way out for you and I, because the rich will just get richer, and the poor will starve and die in droves.

We'll lose our jobs and have to recenter our economy so we have to commute less and less (or find more economic mediums of transport). The moment that happens, Mr and Mrs 2.5 children are suddenly stuck with a mortage they can't afford in a house that is unprofitable to own.

The lower classes, which will survive by hook or by crook, will undoubtedly find that taking is more effective than working for, so expect crime to escalate. Proof for such a generalization? Go watch Judge Dredd, Mad Max, or just about anything based in the future and produced in the 1980s. All eye opening movies about the future.

Either Mr and Mrs 2.5 find a more economic way of existing, or swallow their lot and band together into some form of communism - wheter it be the strengthening of the standard social units (family, peers, etc), or we come under a crushing economic dictatorship. A free market society doesn't really work when everyone has nothing but debt.

Alarmist? Of course. Farfetched? Probably. Planned for? Already!
Riot control.
When Mr and Mrs 2.5 can't make ends meet and the power has been off for weeks, what happens?
Protesting, rioting, pillaging and looting. The response: Pictured just over there, the latest doohickey in pain inducement.

Active Denial Technology exploits the body's natural defense mechanism that induces pain as a warning to help protect it from injury. It uses a transmitter producing energy at a frequency of 95Ghz and an antenna to direct a focused, invisible beam to a subject at the speed of light and penetrate the skin to a depth of less than 1/64 of an inch. This produces an escalating heating sensation that becomes intolerable in seconds, and forces the subject to flee. The sensation immediately ceases when the individual moves out of the beam or when the system operator turns it off. Despite this sensation, the beam does not cause injury because of the shallow penetration depth of energy at this wavelength and the low energy levels used.

Microwave my geneseed? No thank you! Let's try something else.

Bring about an agarian society. That is, we all go back about 60 years to where Mr and Mrs 2.5 grew produce in the back yard, canned things instead of freezing them and much more.

So how can we convince South Australia to become backyard crop growers? The question itself gives us the answer.

Make bootleg tomatoes worth as much as marijuana. We've got the cottage drug industry in this state, which tends to supply illicit substances like marijuana for a third of the cost as other states.

Steps to make an illegal tomato industry work:

• Immediately outlaw all fruit and vegetables
• Excessive fines for those caught supplying illicit nutrition
• Lessen the cost of hydroponic equipment
• Encourage armed pillaging and looting of Coles and Woolworths trucks. This will up the cost of transporting produce over long distances.

Will this work? Probably not. But what then?

Adelaide will lead the world in green economic production as our industry of skilled drug producers take up a life of backyard farming. When we can't afford to eat, stoners will be recieving the best diet. Isolated enclaves of christian and envirohippy folk will survive too, because they are in some way prepared.
Hot women will survive, because simply, ecogeeks don't like female ecogeeks' rude bits. Mr and Mrs. 2.5 get the short end of the stick in this whole affair because they can't adapt until it's too late.

Don't let this happen! Convert to the cult of the ecogeek today and start blackmarket fruit laundering now!

Man Crushed By Snake

Pythons are dangerous. Not the programming language, but rather the snake.

This is one of the more bizarre deaths in Adelaide: Man Crushed By Pet Python.

The body of Erik Attmarsson was found yesterday at his property in Tanunda in the Barossa Valley by a colleague from nearby Venom Supplies. Police said marks on the face of the 28-year-old could be consistent with being crushed to death by a snake.

Officers were searching yesterday for Mr Attmarsson's pet Queensland native scrub python, which had disappeared from its secure enclosure. The snakes grow to an average 5m, but have been recorded as long as 8.5m. An autopsy was to be conducted in Adelaide today.

It is understood Mr Attmarsson had consumed a large amount of alcohol but police would not comment on whether this may have contributed to his death.

It is believed he lived alone near his workplace, home to hundreds of venomous snakes that are milked for the production of antivenene.

Police said there were several snake enclosures inside and outside Mr Attmarsson's home and snakes were free inside the property.

But, it seems the police aren't sure!

Police dispute killer python report
May 02, 2005
From: AAP


A SNAKE handler from Sweden has been found dead at his South Australian home, but police have disputed reports he might have been crushed to death by his pet python.
The body of the 28-year-old professional snake handler was found at his home in the Barossa Valley, north of Adelaide, yesterday.

The Advertiser reported marks on the face of Erik Attmarsson were consistent with him being crushed to death by a snake.

"The man kept a snake in the house, but at this time there is no evidence to show that the snake was involved in the man's death," a police spokesman said this morning.


Wildlife experts said there had been no confirmed cases of pythons crushing a person to death in Australia.

However, they said such deaths had occurred in other countries where pythons grew much bigger.

Police also rejected further media reports that Mr Attmarsson's five-metre Queensland Native Scrub Python was missing from its enclosure.

The spokesman said the python was located inside the house.

So, what's really going on? A creepy snake guy who lived by himself? The first thing that came to mind when I heard it on the news was sexual fetish gone wrong.

Drunk?

Alone?

Playing with his trouser snake?

Go figure!

Upcoming Bitchslap

I am pooped. Officially.

People of Adelaide, if you do not immediately flock to and make use of upcoming, you will be bitch-slapped.

Yes Niall, this means you.

I think my favourite event of all is Colonel Light's Big Cake Affair - he's the reason we have parklands galore, and the council is offering me free cake and wine on tuesday.

Free?
Cake?
I'm there!

There's also some funky assed glass blowing and packs of angry cyclists.

Be there, or you just aren't cool in Adelaide.